STOP THE PRESSES AND HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS! THE GOSSIP THAT’S MELTING THE INTERNET AND HAS LEFT HALF OF MEXICO SPEECHLESS!
THEY CAUGHT HER RED-HANDED… AND WITH EVERYTHING ELSE OUT IN THE AIR! THE “SEE MORE” VIDEO THAT NO ONE COULD BELIEVE AND THAT ENDED IN A MONUMENTAL BRAWL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOPPING MALL.
[CDMX, MEXICO – ENTERTAINMENT AND CRIME NEWS DESK]
Oh my! If you thought you’d seen it all in this magical, surreal, and sometimes rather “hot” Mexico, get ready to be shocked because the story we’re bringing you today surpasses any prime-time telenovela. The internet crashed a few hours ago, the aunts’ WhatsApp groups are buzzing, and it’s all anyone is talking about at the office, on the subway, and even in the tortilla line.
It all started with an image, a simple screenshot that spread like wildfire on Facebook and Twitter (now X, but nobody calls it that anymore). A blurry photo, taken with a shaky cell phone, accompanied by a headline that was a death trap for the curious: “Woman caught having sex… See more” .
Oh, dear! That damned “See More” button. That little blue button that’s the gateway to national morbidity. Millions of Mexicans, their index fingers trembling with anticipation, clicked it. What did they expect to find? Neighborhood gossip? A passionate couple in a dark park? NO! What they found was the chronicle of a national disgrace that reached epic proportions.
We, brave gossip reporters, did click, we investigated, we stuck our noses where they didn’t want us, and here we bring you the complete story, uncensored, in detail, of what really happened after those three dots that hid the sin.
THE CHRONICLE OF UNBRIDLED DESIRE… IN A PUBLIC AREA!
It turns out, and it’s worth noting, that the protagonist of this embarrassing episode is no inexperienced young woman. No, sir. She’s a respectable lady of about 45, whom we’ll call “Doña Cuca” to protect her identity (although by now the whole neighborhood knows her from the videos). Doña Cuca, known in her neighborhood for being the president of the residents’ association and the first to organize the posadas, decided that the routine was becoming too much for her.
The scene of the crime of passion: none other than the fitting rooms of a well-known department store (one of those that sells everything from underwear to a washing machine on small installments) located in a shopping mall in northern Mexico City, on a Saturday payday, at 5 p.m. The worst place and the worst time to get creative!
According to eyewitnesses, who are now selling their testimony for a 50-peso phone top-up, Doña Cuca entered fitting room number 3 with a pile of clothes. Seconds later, a man, younger than her, a burly, middle-aged man who looked like a “chavorruco” (a term used to describe a middle-aged man), entered, supposedly to “give her his opinion” on how the jeans looked on her.
Yes, of course!
At first, all was silent. Then, nervous giggles began to be heard. But things quickly escalated. Customers in the adjacent fitting rooms began to notice that the drywall walls were vibrating with suspicious intensity. The whispers turned into gasps that even the Luis Miguel soundtrack blasting at full volume couldn’t drown out.
“Listen, young man, I was trying on a girdle and suddenly I felt like the ceiling was going to fall on top of me because of the shaking they were doing next door. It sounded like they were slaughtering pigs, with all due respect,” declared Doña Lupita, a key witness who was in fitting room 2.
THE “YOU FELL!” MOMENT
The real chaos erupted when the fitting room attendant, a young woman named Britany, fed up with the commotion and thinking they were fighting or stealing merchandise, decided to intervene. She knocked once. Nothing. She knocked a second time, louder. And all hell broke loose!
Apparently, in the heat of passion, the couple didn’t properly lock the door. With Britany’s second knock and the thrust of their bodies inside… THE DOOR FLEW WIDE OPENED!
NO WAY!
The scene that Britany, three other customers, and a man passing by with his wife witnessed was worthy of a Renaissance painting, but with a C rating. Doña Cuca and the “old guy” were, as my grandmother would say, “in the middle of the act,” “letting loose,” “going at it” with enviable energy, but without a shred of shame. The clothes they were supposedly going to try on were scattered on the floor, serving as a rug for their makeshift love nest.
Britany’s scream could be heard all the way to the underground parking garage. “SECURITY! THEY’RE HAVING SEX IN HERE!” the poor girl yelled, red as a tomato.
THE RUMORS, THE CELL PHONES, AND THE FAILED ESCAPE
In a matter of seconds, the fitting room area became the epicenter of morbid curiosity. Dozens of onlookers, with the journalistic instinct that characterizes the average Mexican, pulled out their cell phones. Flashes, Facebook Live videos, instant TikToks.
When the couple realized they’d been spotted, they attempted the impossible: getting dressed in record time while half the world filmed them and shouted things at them. “How embarrassing!”, “Get in, get in, there are places!”, “Get a hotel, you cheapskates!”
The man, more agile, managed to half-pull his trousers back on and ran off, pushing people aside, leaving Doña Cuca to her fate. What a coward! The poor woman was left there, her blouse inside out, trying to cover herself with a curtain that didn’t cover anything, while the security guards (those potbellied men with batons who never do anything) arrived late and in a bad state, blowing their whistles like madmen.
THE UNEXPECTED TWIST: THE HUSBAND ARRIVED!
But if you thought things couldn’t get any worse, hold on tight! Because fate is cruel and capricious. It turns out that Doña Cuca’s husband, Don Regino, a serious and hardworking man who thought his wife was at the supermarket, was just coincidentally in the same plaza buying some screws at the hardware store next door.
Seeing the commotion and hearing the shouts, Don Regino approached. And there, in front of fifty cell phone cameras, he saw his beloved Cuca being escorted away by security, half-naked, crying with shame.
Poor Don Regino’s blood pressure dropped! He turned pale, clutched his chest, and shouted, “MARTA, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!” (It turns out Cuca’s name is Marta, but they call her Cuca affectionately… or they used to).
The encounter was epic. She was crying and begging for forgiveness, he was confronting her in the middle of the mall, people were applauding as if it were the season finale of a TV series, and the security guards didn’t know whether to arrest the woman for public indecency or call an ambulance for the cheated-on husband.
SOCIAL MEDIA DOESN’T FORGIVE: #LADYPROBADOR IS BORN
As expected, the internet did its thing. In less than an hour, Doña Cuca already had a nickname: #LadyProbador (Lady Fitting Room). Memes flooded the web. Photos of her emerging with the curtain, videos with the theme song from “La Rosa de Guadalupe” playing in the background, conspiracy theories about who the runaway lover was.
There were those who defended her, saying that “love has no schedule or place,” and there were those who digitally crucified her for being “immoral” and for making a fool of herself on a Saturday payday.
THE OUTCOME (FOR NOW)
Finally, the patrol arrived. Doña Cuca was taken before the civil judge for “public indecency and disturbing the peace.” She had to pay a fine to be released, and rumor has it that Don Regino didn’t even answer her calls to arrange for her to pay the bail; one of her sisters had to go.
The lover remains a fugitive from justice, although there is already an army of “internet detectives” trying to identify him by the tattoos that were seen on him in the video while he was running with his pants down.
So there you have it, folks. That cropped image you saw on Facebook was hiding the most embarrassing story of the year. Be really careful where you get carried away, because in the age of smartphones, there’s always someone ready to expose you and make you the talk of the town! How freaking embarrassing!
